TV likes nothing better than a trend. In the seventies we had cop shows until we puked. The eighties were all about family sitcoms. The nineties saw the ascendancy of cable; we got all sorts of shows where the characters said “fuck” and “shit” all the time, mostly because they could. The oughts brought us reality TV. Now there aren’t too many people who weren’t impressed when Survivor came out. Sadly though, the trend started by that show has mushroomed and mutated to the point where even the greatest of devotees has to wonder: When will it stop?? The end may indeed be in sight. Check out these shows that are in the can but may never see the light of day due to our overdue disgust with the genre. No telling what will come next, but this list should make you happy at reality TV’s coming demise.
Join Shyla Worthington and Terenze Foster as they pursue success in the down and dirty world of celebrity pet pampering for pay in Los Angeles. The eight week replacement show will begin airing on Bravo this summer unless the network can convince Tom and Padma to squeeze one more sausage through the Top Chef machine. Highlights:
* Episode One – Inattention of the part of a careless temp leads to trouble for Shyla. Lauren Conrad’s Shih Tzu is given a regular Milk Bone instead of the requested Cerberus Multigrain Protein Biscuit. The results wind up on the actress’s hardwood floor and she is shown angrily berating Shyla and demanding a refund.
* Episode Four- Terenze’s boyfriend Brendan reaches his breaking point when Terenze is too tired to go to the club after a twelve hour day. “It’s just too much! And you always come home smelling like dogs**t. You’re going to have to choose between that job and me. “Terenze’s tearful yet proud response is not to be missed.
This dating show was produced by Fox News and features the devilish yet ravishing Coulter looking for love in only the “right” places. Vying for her affections are Sean Hannity, Chuck Norris, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, P.J. O’Rourke, Dick Cheney, and Michelle Malkin. Bill O’Reilly is the host/emcee. Highlights:
*Episode Two – The uncomfortable presence of Malkin is resolved. Ann tells the relentless Michelle as she eliminates her, “Look honey! I ‘m here to find a man, and that’s what you should do too. I’m just not gay!” The hardassed Malkin breaks down in sobs and cries, “All I really wanted was a BFF!”
*Episode Three – Norris admits in the confessional that he can’t stop thinking about Christie Brinkley. He is also stressed over the Dos Equis guy stealing his mojo. Coulter lets him go at the elimination ceremony, saying “I knew all along you weren’t here FOR ME.”
*Episode Five – After a hard fought day of challenges including a dart tournament with Obama in the bullseye and writing fundraising appeals for squishy moderate Republicans, the boys unwind a little. Beck and O’Rourke tease Hannity about being a closet Democrat. Sean copes by eating an entire bag of Doritos and thinks about going home.