Five Career Colleges Gone Bad

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Let’s face it-quick service restaurants are already staffed with lots of college students and even graduates who can’t find jobs in their majors such as Etruscan History or 18th Century Colonial Linguistics. Breaking into these positions takes more than it used to. Q3CI, with branches in forty five cities can train you in as little as twelve months to assume your rightful place behind that broiler or triple potato station. Classes start with the basics-finding a reliable alarm clock and setting it correctly, how to dress for interview success (flip flops are a faux pas!), and the right way to let managers know you can’t work on UFC nights or Sundays during football season. In the second term students will obtain actual uniforms, complete with name tags and hats, along with complete instructions in their proper wear. Next come seminar and practicum-bagging fries while texting your boyfriend, counting change when the register breaks down, and making sure that your coworkers get stuck with cleaning the shake machine at closing. Placement is a strength, as the school boasts an 88% success rate owing to the $300 student fee which is split between the college and that pimple faced guy who was two years ahead of you in high school and will now be your boss.

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This school has only been around for a year but already has registered 24,000 students to its online program and the campus program in Sparks. Classes begin every two weeks in two tracks. The first track meets for six weeks in the Dry Valley Casino in Sparks and teaches the intricacies of several popular table games. This is followed by two weeks of hold ‘em against the instructors in which suckers. Err, students keep their winnings. The other track, taught online, deals with the strategies for other, more widely legal games of chance. Students learn the latest strategies for picking winning scratchoffs, and systems for beating “the number”. Mastery will promote students into the secrets of easier to crack games such as bingo, church raffles, and kids Yugi-Oh! Leagues. The institute is the easiest on this list to get into but tuition is high owing to a prepaid tax assessed on all monies used to gamble regardless of winnings. The school reminds prospective attendees that government financial aid is available and that graduates can easily find work in the Sparks area if their choices don’t pan out. Busses leave for Las Vegas every two hours after graduation so that new grads can test their skills immediately.
Now that you have seen the multitude of vocational opportunities made possible by the Obama administration, what are you waiting for? Get that FAFSA done and start planning your own blissful future today!

Author: Nick the Knife — Copyrighted © roadtickle.com